The Index 0.0.0

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Back in summer of 2014 during my ascent to mania, I took the opportunity to document my reality with what little understanding of code I had at the time.  I can follow the logic now, but I have no idea how I arrived to this conclusion.  It is above my head now.  I just wish I had finished it.

​The index
 
You have no incentive because it will help me to your detriment; what you get out of this has to evolve or end.
 
Ignorance and innocence can e confused in people for innocence.
 
//Root-Attraction: perceived qualities in another (aroused) by representing; the lack of perceived qualities in the self.
 
 
The degree of difficulty one perceives to attract another, represents the binding-agent which must equal or be greater than the previous interpersonal connection plus, the unknown quantity that effects "emotional stability".
 
          //Selfish-coward
 
                   //You enjoy the pursuit; even if it's annoying.  Because it's a self important response.
 
 
The instant the pursed is captured, they become the pursuer.
 
          //Selfish-coward flips to Selfish-hypocryt
 
 
The degree of difficulty one perceives in pursuit of another, represents the binding-agent which must equal or be greater than the previous interpersonal connection plus, the unknown quantity that effects "emotional stability".
 
                   //Selfish-hipocryt
 
                   //I enjoy pursuing, even if it's disappointing.  Because it's a self important response
 
 
The instant the pursuer stops, they become the pursued.
 
          //Selfish-hipocryt flips to Selfish-coward
 
 
The instant we meet half way, we achieve acceptance.  A interpersonal contract that binds two people together (conditional and subject to change without notice).
 
          //Selfish-courage
 
The instant we meet half way, we achieve acceptance.  A interpersonal contract that binds two people together (unconditional and subject for discussion before conditions change)
 
          //Selfless-courage
 
The intangible mechanism that is responsible for defining and redefining human connection (the driving force, the rush, the inspirational unit that can only be occupied temporarily)
 
          //A  + B = C (Logical-summit & Truthful summit)
 
 
 
 
//Root-Acceptance: defined qualities in thyself (aroused) by representing; the abundance of perceived qualities in others.
 
 
Capability to accept self is greater-than, dependance on external acceptance:
 
          //Courageous-Love,
 
                   //I will fulfill your needs, without conditions or motivation from others.
 
Or
 
Capability to accept self is less-than, dependance on external acceptance:
 
          //Conditional-Love
 
                   //I will fulfill your needs, with some conditions or motivation from others.
 
If
 
Capability to accept self is primarily, dependent on external acceptance:
 
          //Selfish-Love
 
                   //I will fulfill your needs, only if all conditions are met or significant motivation from others.
 
                   //I go first, then you go first
 
Than
 
Incapable to accept self, dependent on external acceptance:
 
          //Resentment (Stubborn?)
 
                   //You will fulfill my needs on my terms, with significant motivation from others.
 
 
If than,
 
Incapable to accept self, independent of external acceptance:
 
          //Contempt
 
                   //I will not fulfill your needs, despite significant motivation from others.
 
Else
 
Incapable to accept self, rejecting external acceptance:
 
          //Shame
 
                   //I will not fulfill your needs, and I resent you for caring.
 
 
 
//Root-Rejection: the instant the interpersonal contract is betrayed, begins the reanimation of the pursued / pursuer dynamic.
 
 
 
No effort to consciously acknowledge the compromise, or series of compromises = (should this equal)
 
          //Ignorance
 
                   //Ignorance is bliss
 
                   //Tranquility
 
                   //Numbness
 
 
Either
 
 
The pursuit is directed internally to discover the source of yearning / desire compromising the integrity of acceptance = (should this equal)
 
          //Fear
 
                   //It’s my fault.  There must be something wrong with me.
 
                   //I’m solely responsible.
 
                   //Crippling
 
Or
 
The pursuit is redirected from/to a party of equal or greater attraction or, equal or greater challenge = (should this equal)
 
          //Vanity
 
                   //My needs are not being met.
 
                   //I’m not at all responsible.
 
                   //Desire (Lust, Distraction, Trend)
 
Or
 
 
 
          //Denial
 
                   //It can be threatening to witness someone you perceive as lesser, unexpectedly demonstrate something exceptional; in a way you can't.
 
Or
 
Preconceived notions of grandeur of an individual, challenged by party of equal or lesser gravity; sustains willingness to accept evidence to the contrary = (should this equal...)
 
          //Anger
 
                   //It can be threatening to witness someone you perceive as lesser, unexpectedly demonstrate something exceptional; in a way you can't.
 
 
 
//Root-Dignity:
 
Confidence hinging on party of equal or greater gravity; (based on preconceived notions of grandeur) sustains willingness to entertain evidence to the contrary = (should this equal…) 
 
          = Motivation to yield.
 
                   //Selfish-Coward (truth = C is acceptance with humility)
 
                             //Well played.  I concede on this issue you have proven me wrong.
 
                             //Humility
 
 
Confidence hinging on party of equal or greater gravity; (from preconceived notions of grandeur) sustains willingness to entertain evidence to the contrary = (should this equal…) 
 
          = Motivation to resist.
 
                   //Selfish-Hypcrypt (truth = C is rejection with finesse)
 
                             //Let’s Agree to Disagree
 
                             //Political-Correctness
 
 
Confidence hinging on party of lesser gravity; (from preconceived notions of grandeur) sustains willingness to entertain evidence to the contrary = (should this equal…) 
 
          = Motivation to yield.
 
                   //Selfish-Coward (truth = C is acceptance via patronizing)
 
                             //That’s fine, I’ll let you have this one
 
                             //Bitter
 
 
Confidence hinging on party of lesser gravity; (from preconceived notions of grandeur) sustains willingness to entertain evidence to the contrary = (should this equal…) 
 
          = Motivation to resist.
 
                   //Selfish-Hypocryt (truth = C is rejection via crudeness)
 
                             //Whatever, you’re stupid!
 
                             //Immature
 
 
 
 
//Root-Arousal: acceptance of the self; conditioned on partners unwillingness to maintain an acceptable level of interest over a period of time. (?)
 
 
 
Self-Acceptance (measured against partner) is perceived to be greater-than, the effort required to maintain partner’s interest = (should this equal…)
 
          = Lack of motivation to commit.
 
                   //Selfish-coward (in the key moment of = C, the coward’s true nature is exposed)
 
                             //The price of your acceptance is too significant of personal expense to maintain your interest
 
                                      //Partner deemed, High-maintenance
 
                                      //Partner deemed, Clingy
 
 
or
 
 
Self-Acceptance (measured against partner) is perceived to be greater-than, the effort required to maintain partner’s interest = (should this equal…)
 
          = Motivation to commit.
 
                   //Selfish-hypocryt (in the key moment of = C, the hypocrite’s true nature is exposed)
 
                             //The price of your acceptance is too rewarding of personal gain to pass up.
 
                                      //Partner deemed, Easily-Manipulatable
 
 
if
 
 
Self-Acceptance (measured against partner) is perceived to be less-than, the effort required to maintain partner’s interest = (should this equal…)
 
          = Lack of motivation to commit.
 
                   //Selfish-coward  (in the key moment of = C, the hypocrite’s true nature is validated)
 
                             //The price of your acceptance is too significant of personal expense to win your interest
 
                                      //What is required of thyself to win your acceptance, is too great to overcome my fear of rejection
 
                                      //I don’t care, leave.
 
 
then
 
 
 
Self-Acceptance (measured against partner) is perceived to be less-than, the effort required to maintain partner’s interest = (should this equal…)
 
          = Motivation to commit.
 
                   //Selfish-hypocryt  (in the key moment of = C, the hypocrite’s true nature is validated)
 
                             //The price of your acceptance is too insignificant of personal expense to maintain your interest
 
                                      //What is required of thyself to win your acceptance, is insignificant to overcome my fear of rejection
 
                                      //Wait, don’t go..
 
 
———————— draft stuff below ———————————--
 
 
 
Self-Acceptance (measured against partner) is perceived to be greater-than, the effort required to maintain partner's interest = (should this equal…)
 
          = Motivation to commit.
 
                   //Selfish-coward becomes Selfish-hipocryt (?)
 
                             //The price of your acceptance is too significant of personal expense to pass-up.
 
                                      //I like a challenge
 
 
if
 
Self-Acceptance (measured against partner) is perceived to be less-than, the effort required to maintain partner's = (should this equal…)
 
          = Lack of motivation to commit.
 
                   //Selfish-hipocryt
 
                             //The price of your acceptance is insignificant of personal expense to maintain your interest.
 
                                      //I’m bored with you… (push-over)
 
 
Than,
 
 
Self-Acceptance (measured against partner) is perceived to be less-than, the effort required to maintain partner’s interest = (should this equal…)
 
          = Motivation to commit.
 
                   //Selfish-hipocryt becomes Selfish-coward
 
                             //The price of your acceptance is suitable to maintain your interest.
 
                                      //I like easy-going (casual)
 
—————— draft above ————————--
 
 
 
//Root-Disgust:   rejection of the self; conditioned on partners willingness to maintain an unacceptable level of attraction over a period of time. (?)
 
 
//Root-Trigger: the weight of uncertainty; Sabotages ones ability to choose the best course of action; speed of execution, quality and effectiveness of response:
 
The degree of comfort one experiences is greater-than, the weight of uncertainty =
 
          = Confidence
 
                    //Increased ability to deduce
 
                   //Decreased reaction time
 
                    //Increased effectiveness in translating thought into action
 
                   //Increased ability to convey ideas effectively to others
 
                             //Based on the information I have, this is the most logical decision I can make.
 
 
or
 
 
The degree of comfort one experiences is less-than + the weight of uncertainty =
 
          = Insecurity
 
                   //Decreased ability to deduce
 
                   //Increased reaction time
 
                   //Decreased effectiveness in translating thought into action
 
                   //Decreased ability to convey ideas effectively to others
 
                             //I think…hmmm… let me take this away and get back to you.         
 
                    
if
 
 
The mind’s effectiveness at connecting physical irritation of the stomach to intensely important rational cues, is greater-than the weight of uncertainty =
 
          = Gut
 
                   //The minds ability to fight the gravitational pull of uncertainty's (association achieved by prolonged physical symptom following thought); pulling thought towards an action to increase possibility of succumbing to an undesired result.
 
                             //When I think of how Chris' behaviour requires me to be forthright about my feelings, it makes me sick to think about it losing him as a friend.
 
 
Else
 
 
 
The mind’s effectiveness at connecting physical irritation of the stomach to intensely important rational cues, is less-than the weight of uncertainty =
 
          = Rut
 
                   //The minds ability to connect physically weakened irritation of the stomach to intensely important rational cues, is less-than the weight of uncertainty =
 
                             //The devil you know, is better than the devil you don’t.
 
 
 
//Root-Perspective: the ultimate framework of the universe we consciously acknowledge, measured against our emotional footprint; experiencing flux. (The 4th dimension)
 
 
          The bigger the perspective of all things we consciously experience in our lives, the less we are swayed by the force of inconsequence.
 
                   //Experience
 
                             //Fortifies scope of undefined-self,
 
                                      //It is what is is, it’s of no consequence to me.
 
                                                //I don’t have all the information so I will hold off judgement-call until I do.
 
 
          The smaller the perspective of all things we consciously observe in our lives, the more we are swayed by the force of inconsequence.
 
                   //Inexperience
 
                             //Unprepared against harshness responsible for overwriting or occupying potential scope of self; like a tumour.
 
                                      //I have a blind-spot towards <insert insecurity>
 
                                                //shame
 
 
 
//Obvious-Catalyst
 
          //Love
 
//Oblivious-Catalyst
 
          //Self-Love (Acceptance)
 
//Obvious-Truth
 
          //Art
 
//Oblivious-Truth
 
          //Design (?)
 
//Obvious-Logic
 
          //Science
 
//Oblivious-Logic
 
          //Design (?)
 
//Obvious-Inhibitor
 
          //Fear
 
//Oblivious-Inhibitor
 
          //Shame